


dumpster skeleton

by Yoshichao



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Joke Fic, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 10:50:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15169082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoshichao/pseuds/Yoshichao
Summary: You're sitting at home, about to read a new fanfic when you hear a noise outside.





	dumpster skeleton

The noise is something like a metallic "thud" combined with the rustling of plastic, like someone just fell into a dumpster. Coincidentally, you have a dumpster right outside your home for one reason or another (to put your trash in, I guess?), so this is a perfectly plausible conclusion to come to. If you did not have a dumpster, you would have been scared to go see what it was (it could have been a GHOST DUMPSTER!!) but you do have one, so you throw caution to the wind and prepare for what is sure to be a very heartwarming rescue scene.

You are now standing in front of the dumpster. The lid is closed, and you can hear rattling from within. You have to pause for dramatic and cautionary effect, but as soon as that moment is over, you throw open the lid. Inside is--

"Yowzah wowzah, you're a skeleton!" you say, incredibly Shocked to see this bone man in a blue hoodie trapped in your dumpster. You are fearful, of course, because he is a skeleton, and are probably screaming, as is customary when one sees a skeleton out in the wild. The skeleton focuses on you with his eyelights. He is rattling his bones, which explains the sound from earlier. You choose to interpret it as either a tactic to scare off predators, or as a mating call.

" _bone_ -a-fied abso- _bone_ -alutely," the skeleton says, and you'd swear a laugh track starts playing in the distance. Ha ha, he's a _punny_ skeleton! Simply incredible! You're in love with him already.

You decide to pun back at him in return, so you may now be "in" the Pun Club. "So, what brings your _bony_ butt to my dumpster?" Nailed it! The pun is appreciated, you think. He is still rattling.

"just lookin' for snacks."

That wasn't a pun.

"That wasn't a pun," you blurt out, disappointment evident on your face. The skeleton blinks. He's no longer rattling.

"what, does everything i say need to be a bone pun?" You can tell he's being lighthearted about this, but this is not a joking matter. You glare at him and go to pull the dumpster lid back down on him. In a panic, he slides his phelanges between the gap before you can close it all the way. You can see his pleading glowing eyelights in the darkness.

"ok ok, how about this?" There's a pause, and then he whispers: " _bones_."

Hehehe! What a riot! You toss the lid aside and hoist the skeleton out of the dumpster with your incredible strength. You like him _a lot_ \- you have decided you're going to keep him.

"I've got some _skele_ -snacks inside," you tell him with a sly wink, "so why don't we blow this popsicle stand and _skull_ -daddle on outta here?"

"cool bones," he says, shoving his hands in his pockets, and you laugh at his pun of replacing "beans" with "bones". Truly a comedic genius. You hope you can keep up with him.

You lead Sans into your humble abode, and even though his name has not been revealed in the narrative, we drop the pretense of not knowing who he is. Sans thinks it odd and perhaps a bit creepy of us to know him already, but he continues to make skeleton puns to keep us complacent for the time being. Satisfied, we return the POV to you, the reader. Remembering that Sans was looking for snacks, you take him to the kitchen. You are now both in front of the fridge. Sans is rattling again. You like the sound, it makes you want to rattle too.

"Okay, what kind of _skele_ -snack do you want--?" You ask him this, and although it is a complete sentence, it somehow trails off when you see the innards of your refrigerator unit. Yes, dear reader, your fridge is filled with nothing but ketchup. Sans does not have x-ray vision like you do, so he opens your fridge to see what the fuss is all about. His eyelights seem to brighten, and his rattling grows so intense that you're worried he is going to hurt himself.

"yowzah _bone_ zah, those are some good snacks. thanks, kid." He's grabbed three bottles and popped the lids open on all of them. " _bones_ up." He begins to chug them, and you have to wonder where the ketchup is ending up and how he's consuming it. It's just Skeleton Law to wonder this kind of stuff. You wonder so many things. All the things, perhaps, when it comes to skeletons like him. He's very mysterious.

You've completely and utterly forgotten that you did not stock your fridge with this much ketchup, and thus no longer found it odd. The moment has passed, and we move onto the next.

"Hey so uh, can we just skip to the part where we go to the bonezone?" you ask, and Sans sputters, ruining the lovely trombone ambient sound he's been playing for your date together.

"what? i uh, don't remember that being in the script." He's flipping through the script now, a bead of sweat rolling down his skull.

"You didn't say a pun," you tut, and he says a quick " _i'm rattlin my bones_ " to satisfy the quota. "Good, there you go. And it's on page 147."

He flips to that page, discarding all the others on the floor (where they belong). His brow bone furrows as he glances over it, and soon enough he's directing that look at you.

"i didn't agree to this!"

"Puns!!"

"no, this is serious!" He rips up the page and lets the scraps cascade onto the floor. "thanks for the ketchup i guess, but i'm not playing along with this anymore. this is weird."

"You mean..." Dramatically, you fall to the floor for some reason. You bat your eyes at him from the floor. "...you planned our chance meeting all along?!"

"you just skipped 71 pages there, bud."

Suddenly, you're on your feet again, hand to your chest as you're overwhelmed by emotion. Enough emotion to break the script as well. Stars, you two are so _in sync_. You were meant to be together. "Y-You memorized the script... You do care!" You and we both ignore the fact that he just displayed proof of not knowing the script. Sans knows everything. He's just so smart.

"i mean, uh..." He scratches his skull, an indescribable expression on his face. You interpret as embarrassment for his intense love for you. "it was... memorable."

This is it. This is true love, folks. Are we getting this? Is the camera still rolling?

"Hold on, I can work with this!" You zoom off to your room to get your second script - the one you prepared just in case you wanted a bit more drama, a bit more _angst_. It is titled, " _THE BIG BONE BREAK UP_ ". After you return, you hand Sans a copy and tell him to take it from the top.

"ok. ...i just can't do this right now. i've been through a lot, and i need some time to think." He's completely deadpan as he reads it aloud, but that's okay. That's what editing is for.

You however, put your all into every thing you ever do. All for the sake of art. And skeletons. "That's okay... But you'll tell me everything someday, right?"

"ok."

"Okay..."

There is a pause. Sans is flipping through pages to see if he has more lines.

"that's it?" You nod. "ok. welp, see ya around, kid." Sans leaves through the front door, closing it behind him. You wait a few more moments before you dramatically fall to the ground and start monologuing your deep and intricate feelings for the skeleton until there is no memory left on the camera. Meanwhile, Sans goes to Grillby's, where we hear him say that final, heart-stopping line:

"i don't even LIKE ketchup!"

**Author's Note:**

> i just wanted to write a fic where sans was in a dumpster and someone said "yowzah wowzah"


End file.
